The miracle of Lazarus’s resurrection angered the Pharisees and the
priests. Messages were being brought to us daily warning us not to go
into Jerusalem because Yeshua would surly be arrested. They sought to
arrest Lazarus as well for being in on such an evil ploy as they saw it.
Of course they were all fools and did not understand Yeshua’s true
identity. Many Jews came to believe in Yahweh because of the raising of
Lazarus. Many others grew more and more angry with him each passing
day. We knew the threats that existed and that came out of Jerusalem.
That is why we were surprised when Yeshua told us we would be going into
Jerusalem the following day and to make ourselves ready.
That evening I was able to be alone to speak with Yeshua. It was
the first time we had the opportunity since he raised Lazarus. I was
glad to finally have the chance to speak with him about this miracle.
Yeshua would allow me to speak little on the manner. Later I would
understand that there were much more pressing things on his mind at that
time.
“Oh Yeshua, it was so incredible the way you called Lazarus back to
life. I do not see how anyone could doubt your identity now.”
“Your faith is strong child but do not be overtaken by the miracles
you see. Remember your faith came to you without them. You are unlike
the others in that you do not need miracles to believe. Remember this
faith and keep it close to your heart, you will need it soon.”
I only somewhat understood what Yeshua was saying to me. I knew he
was referring to his persecution and death but I did not understand how
my faith without miracles would help me. I could see that I could not
ask him now. His eyes had clouded over with other thoughts. I had
noticed such things happening to him lately. Much, much deeper matters
were on his mind and the silly musings of a woman were of no importance
to him, or so I thought.
“What is on your mind, Mary? Do not say there is nothing there; I
can see it in your eyes. My eyes are not the only set of eyes that
reveal all,” he gave me a wink to indicate that my friend was before me
and I could speak openly.
It was difficult for me to find the right words. I did not know how
to begin so finally I just started to speak, without thinking about it
much, “The thing is, Yeshua, what happened there at the tomb was so
miraculous and so wonderful that I often wonder if it really happened at
all. Or if it was just part of the best dream one could ever ask for.
I suppose I do not really doubt the miracle. I only wish to show you
how wonderful and remarkable it really was.”
“You must believe even what seems unbelievable. You can trust it
because it is from me and you have trust in me. Do not fear for I will
never lead you astray you are one of my sheep and I will always keep you
close to me.”
“The only reason I could believe what I saw is because I knew it was
from you. Otherwise, there would be no other way.” I grew silent for a
few moments before continuing, “Why is it you want to go into
Jerusalem? You know they will arrest you as soon as we arrive. I do
not want to see you arrested or made to suffer.”
“I must suffer. It is my fate. This is what my Father sent me here
to do. I must endure it. I know it is difficult for you to
understand. I must go into Jerusalem.”
“Please, Yeshua. Make them come to you.”
“My child, a guilty man flees from his pursuers, but an innocent man
greets them with open arms. I will not behave as a guilty criminal for
I am not that.”
“But, how can you go willingly into their hands?”
“It is how I must go. Do not think I am not afraid. I am very
afraid,” when he spoke these words his voice changed and it became timid
and frightened. It reminded me of a small child. He continued, “I am
more afraid than when I was tempted by the evil one. I feel his
presence all around me trying to get me to abandon the ways of my
Father. I cannot give in to him, Mary. I must face this fear. And oh
how great that fear is.”
There was nothing I could say that could help ease such a fear in
the heart of Yeshua. He knew how much I wanted to help him and how much
I wanted to take that pain away. My presence was all that I could
offer him.
“I fear that I will yield to the evil one,” tears burst from his
eyes after he said this and was wracked with powerful sobs. I thought
to myself if Yeshua gives in to the evil one, then my Yahweh have mercy
on us all.
***
The following morning, we were all busy going about making the
proper preparations for Yeshua’s entry into Jerusalem. Yeshua had
instructed them to go ahead of him into Bethany where he told them they
would find a young donkey that has never been ridden. He told them to
bring it to him and tell anyone who asks that the Lord needs it. I was
mending the tunics when they returned with the colt. They had done
exactly as he had told them and they encountered no problems with
getting the beast.
The disciples put their cloaks on the donkey and Yeshua got onto it
to ride it into Jerusalem. Yeshua led the way on the donkey and we
followed along behind them. I could see the crowds gathering as we
began to near the city. There were so many people. There were more
people there along the road into Jerusalem than I had ever seen in all
my life. The closer we got the louder the crowd grew. I was beginning
to hear their shouts.
“Hosanna! Blessed is the name of Yahweh! Blessed is the King of Israel!”
Their shouts were so great it was deafening. I could hardly hear
the thoughts in my own head. We had to be careful as crowds were
starting to press in on us. Their shouts grew louder and louder the
closer we drew to them. As we got closer teachings from the rabbis at
the temple in Magdala came flooding into my head. Suddenly, I realized
where I had heard this scene before. A passage from Zechariah came into
my head: “Do not be afraid, oh Daughter Zion; see, your king is coming,
seated on a donkey’s colt.” Yeshua was boldly professing to the nation
that he was their Messiah.
The people continued their shouting and their singing. They were
waving palm branches before Yeshua and laying them down on the ground to
cover the ground as he walked. The crowd was pushing in closer and
closer behind him. Soon we were separated from him, only Peter and John
were still close to him. Word quickly spread that Yeshua had arrived
in Jerusalem.
We continued along the road to the temple we had come to celebrate
the feast. After a time we were able to catch up with him again. We
got to him just before he arrived at the temple. The crowds continued
to thicken. I overheard some Greeks speak to Philip and asking him if
they could speak with Yeshua. Philip and Andrew went to Yeshua and told
him of the Greek’s request.
Yeshua answered, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be
glorified. I speak the truth; unless a single grain of wheat dies it
will remain only a single grain. But if it dies it will produce many
seeds and much wheat. The man that loves his life will lose it but
whoever hates his life will gain eternal life. Whoever loves me must
serve me and my Father will recognize he who is my servant in His
kingdom. My heart is troubled when I think on this burden before me,
but what shall I do? Call out to my Father and ask Him to release me of
this burden? Now I say, Father, glorify your name!”
Suddenly, a voice rumbled through the sky. It was so loud and
powerful I felt it inside my chest. I felt it vibrating off bones. “I
have glorified it and will glorify it again.” Many people in the crowd
were confused. They did not understand the origin of the voice. I
heard some people say it had thundered while others were saying that an
angel had spoken. I knew the voice that had thundered through the sky
was neither thunder nor an angel but it was the voice of Yahweh. I
could feel it in my soul. I had heard the voice of Yahweh and I knew
for certain that Yeshua was His son. I was shaken from my thoughts by
Yeshua’s voice.
“The voice was for your benefit, not mine. The time of judgment on
this world has come; it is time for the evil one to be driven out. When
I am lifted up from this earth I will draw all men to me.”
Someone in the crowd shouted, “The Law says that the Christ will
remain forever. So how can you say, “The Son of Man must be lifted up?
Who is this Son of Man?”
Yeshua answered, “The light will only be with you a little while
longer. Walk while you have the light for soon the light will be gone
and only darkness will remain. The man who walks in the darkness will
surely be lost. Trust in the light so that you might become children of
the light.”
Yeshua finished speaking and signaled to us and we went off into
hiding from the crowds. We found a nice place among the hills outside
the city walls. Yeshua felt save and close to his Father here. The
time for his fulfillment was drawing nearer.
Darkness fell and the ground was lit by the moon’s brightness.
Yeshua had gone off by himself to pray. I sat in the camp surrounded by
the disciples. Their mood was light and merry. They thought the
triumphal entry into Jerusalem meant that things were going to happen
differently. They thought Yeshua would be accepted and he would not
have to die. I wanted to believe that this was the case but I knew what
Yeshua had said and he had never deceived any of us. His words were
always truth. I had to get away from the camp and their light attitude.
I got up and started walking through the night. The light of the moon
guided my steps. I rounded a bend and I saw him. He was seated on the
top of a hill, his forehead to the ground. I could see he was deep in
prayer. I only watched for a few moments. The moonlight bathed in so
that he looked as if he was glowing himself. The night was quiet and I
could hear him murmuring his prayers to his Father. His words sounded
distressed and broken although I could not make the out exactly. He
sounded as if he was pleading. I would never learn what he was pleading
for but what I saw would remain with me forever.
Suddenly, a light so bright and blinding that it made the night look
like day, appeared. It enveloped Yeshua. I looked as if a hand
reached out toward Yeshua. He remained in his submissive position as
the hand of light reached out toward him. I held my breath as the light
drew closer and closer to Yeshua. When it touched him Yeshua threw his
face toward the heavens and stretched his arms out to the horizon. He
cried out in a voice that was so loud I was not sure it could be heard.
He said, “Father! Father! I will do you will!”
As suddenly as it came the light was gone and I was swallowed by
blackness. I began fleeing from the hillside. I did not think I should
have witnessed what I did. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me
back to camp, falling and stumbling the whole way. When I reached the
camp everyone was asleep. I crawled into my tent and lay in bed
trembling, unable to sleep.
***
The following morning Yeshua said we would go to the temple. To us
it seemed that Yeshua was being reckless by going back into the city
that wanted him killed. But he insisted that we were going into the
city and going to the temple. When we arrived in Jerusalem and entered
into the temple courts I saw a side of Yeshua I had never seen before
and did not want to see again.
The temple court was not unlike the court of Magdala’s temple.
There were man booths with vendors trading for temple currency and
selling animals for sacrifice. It felt more like a market and less like
the court of a holy place, let alone the most holy place. I saw anger
rise up in Yeshua’s eyes at the sight of all the filth in his Father’s
house. All at once Yeshua rushed forward and began flipping over the
tables and releasing the animals. He lifted up his staff and began
shaking in the direction of the tenders. He chased them out and would
not let them return to pick up their spoils. After he had driven them
all out he stood up on a platform and began teaching.
“It is written: ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations.’ But you have made it into a den of thieves!”
Yeshua could not continue teaching because his anger was so great.
The vendors complained to the chief priests because they were losing
business. This made the chief priests rage against Yeshua and began
looking harder for a way to kill him. They were also afraid of him
because he did have support for them people and they worried about how
the people would respond to their decision.
Evening fell and we were able to get Yeshua safely out of the city,
although we began to question how many more time s would be able to do
so. It was the first and only time I would see Yeshua angry. It
frightened me to see his anger displayed. Up until then I had thought
of Yeshua as a peaceful lamb who was unable to be angered. But in that
moment in the temple out came rage like a lion’s and I was afraid. He
had shown no mercy toward the vendors and uprooted them like a weed in a
field.
During the walk back to our camp Yeshua kept very quiet. I could
still see the ire in his eyes from the experience at the temple. We
were having a difficult time fully understanding Yeshua’s rage. After
all, ever since we were children that had been the scene in temple
courts. When we arrived back at camp John had the courage to ask him. I
know it took a lot of courage on John’s part, as the effects of
Yeshua’s wrath were still so fresh in our minds.
“Lord, what was it about the scene in the temple courts that angered you so greatly?”
Yeshua turned to him but the anger was no longer in his eyes, “I
realize that was a difficult scene for you to understand but that is
because you do not know my Father’s purposes, you only know the purposes
of men.”
Peter took his turn to speak, “Rabboni, please, teach us the ways of
your Father so that we might abandon the detestable ways of men.”
Yeshua smiled at this, “Ah, Peter, you are beginning to understand.
You have spoken wisely. Listen carefully to what I have to tell you.
All you have ever known is the temple court’s use as a market. I tell
you the truth; this was not my Father’s plan for the temple court. It
angers Him to see such unholy business being conducted in His house. My
Father wished to see His house as a holy place. A place of quiet,
solitude and prayer. A sacred place where all voices are brought to a
whisper because you can feel the divinity in the air. This is not what
His house has become. This is why I drove those vendors from the temple
court. Such business is fine but only in the proper place. The temple
court is not the proper place.”
Yeshua’s words were so logical that we began to wonder why others
did not see this as well. This was the power Yeshua had over us and us
alone. It was this power that we would be instructed to take out into
the world on his behalf.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Chapter Six - Part Three (41,059 Words)
Our travels continued and brought us to Caesarea Philippi. When we
arrived Yeshua took some time and called us aside. He was yet to begin
his teachings for the day. He had gathered us around to teach while we
were on the boat. I loved listening to Yeshua’s teachings. He could
bring things across in such a great way.
“Who do people the Son of Man is?” He asked us.
“Some say John the Baptist, some say Elijah, others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
“But what about you? Who do you say I am?”
Peter spoke up, “You are the Messiah, Son of Yahweh.”
Yeshua then said, “You are blessed Simon Peter. This was not revealed to you by man but by my Father in heaven. I tell you the truth Peter; you are the rock upon which I will build my church. The will of Satan will not overcome it. I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever is taken from you hear on earth will be made available to you in heaven.
“Tell no one of these words I have spoken to you.”
Yeshua rose and went out to teach that day. I wanted to slap Peter silly. He went around amongst us and gloated about what Yeshua had said about him. I was intensely jealous of the remarks Yeshua had made about Peter. Yeshua always confided in me. He always told me how I was the quickest of his disciples. He always said that I provided him comfort. How could he say this about Peter? Peter, who he always commented on his slow wits. How could Peter be the foundation of his church? I wanted it to be me. I was angry with Yeshua for his.
Of course, Yeshua sensed this in his ever-perceptive way. He came up to me that night, as I could not sleep yet again. I did not acknowledge him when he sat beside me.
“You are angry with me Mary.”
I did not respond. I was wounded by his comments to Peter.
“Mary, my child.” He reached out took my chin in his hand. He turned my face toward his, “Do not be angry with me.”
“Yeshua, Peter?”
“Mary, I have my reasons. Please, trust me.”
“But, Peter?”
“Yes, Peter. I would have chosen you had you not been a woman.”
“What?”
“Think about this Mary. You are a wise woman. You could not lead the church; no one would listen. You know this. Do not be mistaken; you will have a great and very important role. But it is a separate role than Peter’s and you must accept it.”
I felt immense waves of guilt rush over me, “Oh I am so sorry Yeshua! Please, forgive me.”
He smiled, “You are forgiven, my child.”
I was glad I was no longer angry with him. We were silent again.
“Mary, I must tell you something.”
I could sense an uneasiness in his voice, “What is it Yeshua?”
“Please, just listen to me. Do not speak until I have finished.”
“All right.”
He began, “My role as a Messiah is not the role that most of Israel expects. They are expecting a warrior, a great king to come and conquer the Romans and redeem them. That is not what I have been sent to do. I do plan to establish my kingdom but it is not a kingdom of this world; it is a kingdom in heaven. I have come to prepare a place all of you there.
“I have come to die, so that you might live.”
I gasped, “Yeshua no! You cannot die!”
“Listen to me Mary. I must. It through death that one receives life. Life and death go hand in hand. The time will come for me to be handed over to the authorities so they might kill me. But do not fear for I will rise again on the third day. Life with triumph over death and you need never fear death again because we will have won the battle.
“This is the war I must fight; this is how it must be. Life will win. Do not be dissuaded, you must stand firm. I must die; it is part of my Father’s plan. This is how I will come to glory. Do you understand?”
“Yes. Yes, my Lord, I do understand. Do I have to like it?”
He smiled, “No, you do not have to like it, but you must accept it. As must I.”
I threw my arms around his neck and began to weep. To my surprise, Yeshua also wept with me.
“Who do people the Son of Man is?” He asked us.
“Some say John the Baptist, some say Elijah, others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
“But what about you? Who do you say I am?”
Peter spoke up, “You are the Messiah, Son of Yahweh.”
Yeshua then said, “You are blessed Simon Peter. This was not revealed to you by man but by my Father in heaven. I tell you the truth Peter; you are the rock upon which I will build my church. The will of Satan will not overcome it. I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever is taken from you hear on earth will be made available to you in heaven.
“Tell no one of these words I have spoken to you.”
Yeshua rose and went out to teach that day. I wanted to slap Peter silly. He went around amongst us and gloated about what Yeshua had said about him. I was intensely jealous of the remarks Yeshua had made about Peter. Yeshua always confided in me. He always told me how I was the quickest of his disciples. He always said that I provided him comfort. How could he say this about Peter? Peter, who he always commented on his slow wits. How could Peter be the foundation of his church? I wanted it to be me. I was angry with Yeshua for his.
Of course, Yeshua sensed this in his ever-perceptive way. He came up to me that night, as I could not sleep yet again. I did not acknowledge him when he sat beside me.
“You are angry with me Mary.”
I did not respond. I was wounded by his comments to Peter.
“Mary, my child.” He reached out took my chin in his hand. He turned my face toward his, “Do not be angry with me.”
“Yeshua, Peter?”
“Mary, I have my reasons. Please, trust me.”
“But, Peter?”
“Yes, Peter. I would have chosen you had you not been a woman.”
“What?”
“Think about this Mary. You are a wise woman. You could not lead the church; no one would listen. You know this. Do not be mistaken; you will have a great and very important role. But it is a separate role than Peter’s and you must accept it.”
I felt immense waves of guilt rush over me, “Oh I am so sorry Yeshua! Please, forgive me.”
He smiled, “You are forgiven, my child.”
I was glad I was no longer angry with him. We were silent again.
“Mary, I must tell you something.”
I could sense an uneasiness in his voice, “What is it Yeshua?”
“Please, just listen to me. Do not speak until I have finished.”
“All right.”
He began, “My role as a Messiah is not the role that most of Israel expects. They are expecting a warrior, a great king to come and conquer the Romans and redeem them. That is not what I have been sent to do. I do plan to establish my kingdom but it is not a kingdom of this world; it is a kingdom in heaven. I have come to prepare a place all of you there.
“I have come to die, so that you might live.”
I gasped, “Yeshua no! You cannot die!”
“Listen to me Mary. I must. It through death that one receives life. Life and death go hand in hand. The time will come for me to be handed over to the authorities so they might kill me. But do not fear for I will rise again on the third day. Life with triumph over death and you need never fear death again because we will have won the battle.
“This is the war I must fight; this is how it must be. Life will win. Do not be dissuaded, you must stand firm. I must die; it is part of my Father’s plan. This is how I will come to glory. Do you understand?”
“Yes. Yes, my Lord, I do understand. Do I have to like it?”
He smiled, “No, you do not have to like it, but you must accept it. As must I.”
I threw my arms around his neck and began to weep. To my surprise, Yeshua also wept with me.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Chapter Six - Part Two (32,324 Words)
We stepped onto shore in Magdala shortly before sunset. All that we did
that first day was to get some more bread and cheese for a supper.
Susanna and Joanna wanted me to go with them since I was born and raised
here but I hesitated. I was not ready to meet up with the people who
had treated me so poorly throughout my life. I said I would prepare the
drink for the evening meal while they sought out the bread and cheese.
They took some of the tunics we had woven to barter with.
The men set out to tend to the boat. Yeshua went and sat out on a rock that overlooked the sea. I took this opportunity to go and sit with him. I needed to speak with him about being here in Magdala. He greeted me with a smile when I approached him and patted the rock beside him, indicating that he would like me to join him. I sat down beside him. He knew my thoughts before I shared them.
“You are troubled, my child. Do not be. This town is no longer yours. You belong to the kingdom of heaven. That is your home now. This is a place of your past. Do not fear.”
“It is difficult to be here Yeshua. This place has caused me much grief and suffering.”
“As it always will. Remember, a prophet is never welcome in the town where he came of age. I was not accepted in Nazareth, I fear you will not be accepted here either.”
“But Yeshua, I am hardly a prophet.”
“You are correct, you are not a prophet. You are something greater, you are my disciple. You are a witness to the Son of Man. For that you will be cast aside.”
I could not help but tremble at this thought. I would be rejected here in Magdala. I would come to be rejected everywhere I went all because I believed in the Truth. Yeshua knew it and he told me because he knew that I could handle it and it would not change the way I felt toward him.
“I would like to seek out my dear childhood friend, Devora. I would like to see how she is doing and how her family has grown.”
“Seek out your friend my child. But be aware of what I have told you.”
“I will remember Yeshua.”
The women returned with the bread and cheese and I left Yeshua’s side to help serve the men their meal. We were all very tired from the journey as well as all the teaching Yeshua had been doing. After our meal we all got back aboard the boat to sleep for the night. Even Yeshua joined us aboard and slept.
I slept restlessly that night. I was anxious about seeing Devora and Solomon, for I was unsure how they would respond to my presence. When Yeshua healed me I did not go back and say good-bye to anyone, I simply joined his crowd and left, taking nothing with me. There was nothing that I needed. I only needed Yeshua.
When the sun rose I rose with it. I had the morning meal entirely prepared when everyone woke up. I was so nervous I needed something to do with my hands and preparing the meal was what suited me best. The other women were very grateful for my preparation and the men were also pleased because there was no waiting for their food in the morning. I only ate a little. My stomach was tying and untying itself in knots and I was afraid that any food I introduced into my stomach, it would violently reject.
Yeshua and the disciples set out to the temple so that Yeshua could teach. I was quite certain that there would be a large crowd and people bringing the sick to him to heal. I had told no one but Yeshua where I was going that day. I held back when they left and instead of heading away from the shore and into the town, I walked along the shore toward Devora’s home. My heart was beating hard against my chest and my hands trembled. I went through over and over in my mind what I was going to say to her. Nothing sounded fitting. It all sounded like a poor excuse. I began to pray.
“Oh Great Creator, Oh God of my fathers, of Father of Yeshua, please give me Your words. Help me to give Devora and Solomon the wonderful and happy news that the Messiah had come. To make them believe that our Savior and Redeemer is here, walking amongst them. Oh please, My Lord, make them believe.”
I had been walking with my face to the heavens and did not notice that I had walked directly up to Devora’s well. I looked about and could see the outline of a woman working in the garden. There were two small children beside her. I turned my gaze out toward the sea and saw Solomon preparing his boat for his daily work. I held my breath as I began walking toward Devora
The men set out to tend to the boat. Yeshua went and sat out on a rock that overlooked the sea. I took this opportunity to go and sit with him. I needed to speak with him about being here in Magdala. He greeted me with a smile when I approached him and patted the rock beside him, indicating that he would like me to join him. I sat down beside him. He knew my thoughts before I shared them.
“You are troubled, my child. Do not be. This town is no longer yours. You belong to the kingdom of heaven. That is your home now. This is a place of your past. Do not fear.”
“It is difficult to be here Yeshua. This place has caused me much grief and suffering.”
“As it always will. Remember, a prophet is never welcome in the town where he came of age. I was not accepted in Nazareth, I fear you will not be accepted here either.”
“But Yeshua, I am hardly a prophet.”
“You are correct, you are not a prophet. You are something greater, you are my disciple. You are a witness to the Son of Man. For that you will be cast aside.”
I could not help but tremble at this thought. I would be rejected here in Magdala. I would come to be rejected everywhere I went all because I believed in the Truth. Yeshua knew it and he told me because he knew that I could handle it and it would not change the way I felt toward him.
“I would like to seek out my dear childhood friend, Devora. I would like to see how she is doing and how her family has grown.”
“Seek out your friend my child. But be aware of what I have told you.”
“I will remember Yeshua.”
The women returned with the bread and cheese and I left Yeshua’s side to help serve the men their meal. We were all very tired from the journey as well as all the teaching Yeshua had been doing. After our meal we all got back aboard the boat to sleep for the night. Even Yeshua joined us aboard and slept.
I slept restlessly that night. I was anxious about seeing Devora and Solomon, for I was unsure how they would respond to my presence. When Yeshua healed me I did not go back and say good-bye to anyone, I simply joined his crowd and left, taking nothing with me. There was nothing that I needed. I only needed Yeshua.
When the sun rose I rose with it. I had the morning meal entirely prepared when everyone woke up. I was so nervous I needed something to do with my hands and preparing the meal was what suited me best. The other women were very grateful for my preparation and the men were also pleased because there was no waiting for their food in the morning. I only ate a little. My stomach was tying and untying itself in knots and I was afraid that any food I introduced into my stomach, it would violently reject.
Yeshua and the disciples set out to the temple so that Yeshua could teach. I was quite certain that there would be a large crowd and people bringing the sick to him to heal. I had told no one but Yeshua where I was going that day. I held back when they left and instead of heading away from the shore and into the town, I walked along the shore toward Devora’s home. My heart was beating hard against my chest and my hands trembled. I went through over and over in my mind what I was going to say to her. Nothing sounded fitting. It all sounded like a poor excuse. I began to pray.
“Oh Great Creator, Oh God of my fathers, of Father of Yeshua, please give me Your words. Help me to give Devora and Solomon the wonderful and happy news that the Messiah had come. To make them believe that our Savior and Redeemer is here, walking amongst them. Oh please, My Lord, make them believe.”
I had been walking with my face to the heavens and did not notice that I had walked directly up to Devora’s well. I looked about and could see the outline of a woman working in the garden. There were two small children beside her. I turned my gaze out toward the sea and saw Solomon preparing his boat for his daily work. I held my breath as I began walking toward Devora
Friday, November 19, 2004
Chapter Six - Part One (30,428 Words)
We set up camp near the sea in Capernaum. Joanna, Susanna and I went
about grinding grain and preparing the bread for the men while they
reclined and listened to Yeshua’s teachings. I began to be disappointed
that I was missing Yeshua’s teachings but I discovered that he would
teach me after the men went to bed. It seemed that Yeshua and I both
were unable to sleep at night and we would typically spend them together
deep in conversation.
Joanna and Susanna had gone into the tent to sleep and I stayed out and finished cleaning up from the evening meal. To my surprise Yeshua came and started to help me. I tried to make him stop but he refused. I stood dumbfounded for a few minutes. No man, not even my beloved Elias, had ever assisted in cleaning up from meals. I was embarrassed that the Messiah would.
“Rabboni, this is unworthy a task for you.”
“No task is unworthy of me, my child.”
“But Rabboni…”
“My child, hush. I am helping you and you will like it,” he smiled and we laughed. I was one of the few people who could make Yeshua laugh. I always took great pride in that. It was such a pleasure to be able to make the Messiah laugh.
We were sitting near the fire after cleaning up. I turned to him, “Thank you for you help.”
He smiled back at me and winked, “Sssh, don’t tell the others.”
We laughed again. I loved these moments I got alone with him, “Rabboni…”
“Please Mary, do not always refer to me so formally. My name is Yeshua, you may call me that.”
I must admit that it was a little strange for me at first to get used to calling him Yeshua. I sat silent for a few moments, repeating his name over and over in my head.
“Now I’ve scared you into silence,” he said.
“No, I was just practicing.”
“Practicing?”
I blushed, “Saying your name.”
Yeshua laughed out loud, “Is it that difficult?”
“It’s just that…well, you’re…you know.”
“No, what am I?”
I looked at him. Surely he knew.
“Who do you say that I am?”
“You’re the Messiah.”
“Keep this to yourself for a time.”
“Yes, Rabboni.” He turned and shot me a look. I giggled, “Sorry, yes Yeshua.”
We fell back into a silence. After a time I worked up the nerve to speak again, “Yeshua, what does it feel like when you perform your miracles?”
He paused for a few moments and then started to speak, “It is difficult thing to explain. But the best way is for you to think about how you felt at that mikvah. I felt very humble. I was unworthy.”
“How can you feel unworthy? You are Yahweh’s son.”
“I wish you could understand. You provide me so much comfort.”
“What is it you need comfort from Yeshua?”
He grew quiet and grave, “I must bear a heavy burden for the world. It weighs on me everyday. You help make me forget that. You make me smile and laugh. Not many can do that. I thank you for that.”
“I’m glad I can be a servant to you my Lord.”
“You are a unique one of my disciples. You understand, you have compassion. You always understand my teaching first.”
We sat and talked all about his teaching for hours. Again until the first light. When the sun peaked over the horizon. Yeshua gave me another wink and whispered in my ear, “Better not let Peter see us.”
I laughed as he walked away to catch a little bit of sleep before the rest of the disciples awoke. I was not the least bit tired and began to get things ready for the morning meal.
Joanna and Susanna had gone into the tent to sleep and I stayed out and finished cleaning up from the evening meal. To my surprise Yeshua came and started to help me. I tried to make him stop but he refused. I stood dumbfounded for a few minutes. No man, not even my beloved Elias, had ever assisted in cleaning up from meals. I was embarrassed that the Messiah would.
“Rabboni, this is unworthy a task for you.”
“No task is unworthy of me, my child.”
“But Rabboni…”
“My child, hush. I am helping you and you will like it,” he smiled and we laughed. I was one of the few people who could make Yeshua laugh. I always took great pride in that. It was such a pleasure to be able to make the Messiah laugh.
We were sitting near the fire after cleaning up. I turned to him, “Thank you for you help.”
He smiled back at me and winked, “Sssh, don’t tell the others.”
We laughed again. I loved these moments I got alone with him, “Rabboni…”
“Please Mary, do not always refer to me so formally. My name is Yeshua, you may call me that.”
I must admit that it was a little strange for me at first to get used to calling him Yeshua. I sat silent for a few moments, repeating his name over and over in my head.
“Now I’ve scared you into silence,” he said.
“No, I was just practicing.”
“Practicing?”
I blushed, “Saying your name.”
Yeshua laughed out loud, “Is it that difficult?”
“It’s just that…well, you’re…you know.”
“No, what am I?”
I looked at him. Surely he knew.
“Who do you say that I am?”
“You’re the Messiah.”
“Keep this to yourself for a time.”
“Yes, Rabboni.” He turned and shot me a look. I giggled, “Sorry, yes Yeshua.”
We fell back into a silence. After a time I worked up the nerve to speak again, “Yeshua, what does it feel like when you perform your miracles?”
He paused for a few moments and then started to speak, “It is difficult thing to explain. But the best way is for you to think about how you felt at that mikvah. I felt very humble. I was unworthy.”
“How can you feel unworthy? You are Yahweh’s son.”
“I wish you could understand. You provide me so much comfort.”
“What is it you need comfort from Yeshua?”
He grew quiet and grave, “I must bear a heavy burden for the world. It weighs on me everyday. You help make me forget that. You make me smile and laugh. Not many can do that. I thank you for that.”
“I’m glad I can be a servant to you my Lord.”
“You are a unique one of my disciples. You understand, you have compassion. You always understand my teaching first.”
We sat and talked all about his teaching for hours. Again until the first light. When the sun peaked over the horizon. Yeshua gave me another wink and whispered in my ear, “Better not let Peter see us.”
I laughed as he walked away to catch a little bit of sleep before the rest of the disciples awoke. I was not the least bit tired and began to get things ready for the morning meal.
Monday, November 15, 2004
Chapter Five - Part Three (24,389 Words)
After we had all consumed the midday meal Yeshua resumed his teaching
from the boat and the crowd on the lakeshore continued to swell in size.
His teachings continued to challenge the minds of all who listened.
The next parable he told was this:
“When darkness falls and your bring your lamp inside your home for the night, where do you put it? You do not put it under your bed or inside a cupboard. No, you put it on a lamp stand or some other place where its light will fill your home. Whatever is hidden will be revealed; it will be brought out into the open in the end. Those who have ears, let them hear.
“Listen to what I have told you. By whatever means you judge others, so will you be judged and your judgment will be harsher. Those who have much will have even more given to them and those who have little will see it all taken from them. This is the command of my Father.”
The Twelve looked among themselves quite confused but I understood his teaching instantly. I began to explain it to them. Peter grew angry with me and told me that such things were not for women to understand and certainly not to teach about. I scowled at him and grew silent. Yeshua continued his teachings.
“Who does not know a mustard seed? I tell you the kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed. When it is sown on the ground of this earth it is the smallest of all seeds. Yet when it grows up it the greatest of all trees with large branches so that the birds might nest within those branches and find protection and shade there. You will inherit the kingdom of heaven with faith the size of a mustard seed.”
Always after Yeshua had finished teaching the crowds would close in on him. But this time night was falling and he said to us, “Let’s go across to the other side of the lake.” We did as we were told and began moving across the sea. There were many boats but I was in the boat with Yeshua along with Peter, John and several others of the Twelve. He was very tired from the day of teaching and went to the rear of the boat to rest. While Yeshua was sleeping a horrific storm arose. The waters raged like I had never seen in all my years living on the Sea of Galilee. Soon the waves were crashing over the side of the boat and the boat was rocking. I found myself unsteady and made my way to Peter and John to see if I might be of some assistance. The men were trying to secure things to the deck. I reached down and began tying ropes myself. A weaver knows how to tie knots that stay. A great wave rushed over us.
“Are you all right Mary?” John called to me. He was always thoughtful and kind toward me. This was much different than Peter. Peter looked disgusted.
“I am all right John. Make sure we get the basket with our bread secured as well. It would be a disaster to see that go over board.”
“John!” Peter cried out as a wave knocked him off his feet, “We should wake Yeshua! Surely he can help us!”
“I do not think we should trouble him!” I shouted back, “He wanted his rest!”
“What do you know? It is a wonder that he is still asleep!”
“I believe Mary is right Peter. Leave Yeshua be.”
“I don’t care what you say! I’m waking him!”
Peter of course had the support of the others and he rushed to wake up Yeshua. He shook him violent and Yeshua awoke.
“Rabboni! We are dying here. A storm is raging and destroying our ship. Don’t you care? Why are you lying here asleep? Help us!”
I was always amazed at Peter and his willingness to speak to him like that. He was the Messiah after all. What happened next was the second miracle I witnessed after my own healing. Yeshua rose and merely cried out to the wind and the sea, “Be still!” All at once the winds died down and the waters grew quiet. It felt as if there had never been a storm and that there would never be a storm again. It was quiet and a stillness unlike any other I had every experienced in my life. It was beautiful.
Yeshua turned to us with disappointment in his eyes, “Why are you afraid? Why do you not trust me? Do you still have no faith?” He turned and returned to his cushion and went back to sleep.
We stood there, ashamed, feeling as children who had just been scolded by their parents. I hung my head in shame. I should have stopped Peter from waking Yeshua. We should have had faith in him.
Peter turned to John and spoke, “Who can he be if even the winds and the sea obey his command?”
I answered for John, “The Messiah.”
“When darkness falls and your bring your lamp inside your home for the night, where do you put it? You do not put it under your bed or inside a cupboard. No, you put it on a lamp stand or some other place where its light will fill your home. Whatever is hidden will be revealed; it will be brought out into the open in the end. Those who have ears, let them hear.
“Listen to what I have told you. By whatever means you judge others, so will you be judged and your judgment will be harsher. Those who have much will have even more given to them and those who have little will see it all taken from them. This is the command of my Father.”
The Twelve looked among themselves quite confused but I understood his teaching instantly. I began to explain it to them. Peter grew angry with me and told me that such things were not for women to understand and certainly not to teach about. I scowled at him and grew silent. Yeshua continued his teachings.
“Who does not know a mustard seed? I tell you the kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed. When it is sown on the ground of this earth it is the smallest of all seeds. Yet when it grows up it the greatest of all trees with large branches so that the birds might nest within those branches and find protection and shade there. You will inherit the kingdom of heaven with faith the size of a mustard seed.”
Always after Yeshua had finished teaching the crowds would close in on him. But this time night was falling and he said to us, “Let’s go across to the other side of the lake.” We did as we were told and began moving across the sea. There were many boats but I was in the boat with Yeshua along with Peter, John and several others of the Twelve. He was very tired from the day of teaching and went to the rear of the boat to rest. While Yeshua was sleeping a horrific storm arose. The waters raged like I had never seen in all my years living on the Sea of Galilee. Soon the waves were crashing over the side of the boat and the boat was rocking. I found myself unsteady and made my way to Peter and John to see if I might be of some assistance. The men were trying to secure things to the deck. I reached down and began tying ropes myself. A weaver knows how to tie knots that stay. A great wave rushed over us.
“Are you all right Mary?” John called to me. He was always thoughtful and kind toward me. This was much different than Peter. Peter looked disgusted.
“I am all right John. Make sure we get the basket with our bread secured as well. It would be a disaster to see that go over board.”
“John!” Peter cried out as a wave knocked him off his feet, “We should wake Yeshua! Surely he can help us!”
“I do not think we should trouble him!” I shouted back, “He wanted his rest!”
“What do you know? It is a wonder that he is still asleep!”
“I believe Mary is right Peter. Leave Yeshua be.”
“I don’t care what you say! I’m waking him!”
Peter of course had the support of the others and he rushed to wake up Yeshua. He shook him violent and Yeshua awoke.
“Rabboni! We are dying here. A storm is raging and destroying our ship. Don’t you care? Why are you lying here asleep? Help us!”
I was always amazed at Peter and his willingness to speak to him like that. He was the Messiah after all. What happened next was the second miracle I witnessed after my own healing. Yeshua rose and merely cried out to the wind and the sea, “Be still!” All at once the winds died down and the waters grew quiet. It felt as if there had never been a storm and that there would never be a storm again. It was quiet and a stillness unlike any other I had every experienced in my life. It was beautiful.
Yeshua turned to us with disappointment in his eyes, “Why are you afraid? Why do you not trust me? Do you still have no faith?” He turned and returned to his cushion and went back to sleep.
We stood there, ashamed, feeling as children who had just been scolded by their parents. I hung my head in shame. I should have stopped Peter from waking Yeshua. We should have had faith in him.
Peter turned to John and spoke, “Who can he be if even the winds and the sea obey his command?”
I answered for John, “The Messiah.”
Friday, November 12, 2004
Chapter Five - Part Two (21,028 words)
Rishon was right. Yeshua did come to Magdala. I had overheard all of
the conversations between my father and Rishon regarding his coming and I
resolved to seek the man out. I no longer wanted to be consumed by the
darkness that had taken over my life the last two years. I wanted to
be free. I wanted to once again live in the light. I had even begun
speaking to Yahweh again. I was slowly forgiving Him for taking away
all who loved me. I still could not bring myself out of the darkness.
Something inside of me told me that this man would be able to help.
I remember the morning he came well. I could not forget it. My life would forever change on that day. Rishon had burst into my father’s hut shouting about the miracle man, saying that he was coming down the road into Magdala. My father went with Rishon leaving me alone in the hut. I was accustomed to this. I forced myself to rise. I was going to go see this miracle man they were talking about.
My body protested when I stood. My legs were not used to holding my weight. The room spun when I got to my feet. I held my hand to the wall, trying to steady myself. I felt almost as if I was under a spell. I made it to the door and when I stepped outside the sun was so bright it blinded me. I had not seen the sun in weeks. I had to wait while my eyes adjusted to the light. Once they did, I scanned the horizon, looking for where this miracle man might be. I should have that he would be at the temple based on everything Rishon had said about him. It seemed that was the direction the people were heading. I began to follow them. Much slower than the rest, allowing myself to get swept along with the crowd. No one noticed me and I did not care. I just wanted to get near enough to this man to have him heal me and all would be well.
When I reached the temple I saw him standing in the courtyard teaching. I made my way through the crowd, trying to get near the front. I was getting closer. I could hear his teaching. He was teaching about the commandments Yahweh had given to Moses on the mount. He was telling us the greatest commandments was to love Yahweh. I was embarrassed, afraid that he could see into my heart and know that I had not been loving Yahweh. He then taught that after loving Yahweh we were to love our neighbors, friends and enemies. This was causing a stir in the crowd. People began shouting. I heard a man cry out; to my surprise it was Rishon.
“Yeshua! Yeshua! How can this be so?”
“It is the word of my Father. I know His heart and He knows mine. That is where I get my authority to speak to you.”
I could see that some people in the crowd believed but many did not. Some shouted out that he was blasphemous. Yeshua did not acknowledge these shouts. I reached toward a man that was following him. I wanted to ask if I could go to Yeshua. But when I touched his shoulder and tried to speak a moan of anguish was all that came out. I collapsed into a heap in the dust in the center of the crowd that was fast becoming a mob.
I lifted my head and when I looked up I saw Yeshua coming toward me. Then I heard him speak to me, although I do not remember his lips moving. To this day, I do not know if the rest of the crowd heard what he said to me.
“I know your anguish my child. Your faith will heal you.”
I tried to speak, but realized I could not. I felt as if a horrible battle was going on inside of me. I wanted to let go of the darkness yet the darkness was so comfortable. It was what I had grown used to. I wanted to give it up and keep it all at the same time. I cried out. I screamed and I wailed. The people of the crowd who were around me cleared away and left me alone. Yeshua did not clear away. Instead, he came closer to me. I looked up into his face and into his eyes. He was handsome but not in the same way as my Elias had been handsome. His beard was nearly black and unkept and he had the look of a person who was weary with travel. His skin was olive and slight layer of dust. I looked into his eyes, which were the deepest shade of brown I’d ever seen, even deeper than Devora’s. In those eyes was love and compassion. There was no fear. I had grown used to seeing fear in people’s eyes when they looked at me. In that moment before he healed me, I loved Yeshua. It was not the love of a wife to a husband. It was the love of a sister to a brother, of a daughter to a father.
I remember the morning he came well. I could not forget it. My life would forever change on that day. Rishon had burst into my father’s hut shouting about the miracle man, saying that he was coming down the road into Magdala. My father went with Rishon leaving me alone in the hut. I was accustomed to this. I forced myself to rise. I was going to go see this miracle man they were talking about.
My body protested when I stood. My legs were not used to holding my weight. The room spun when I got to my feet. I held my hand to the wall, trying to steady myself. I felt almost as if I was under a spell. I made it to the door and when I stepped outside the sun was so bright it blinded me. I had not seen the sun in weeks. I had to wait while my eyes adjusted to the light. Once they did, I scanned the horizon, looking for where this miracle man might be. I should have that he would be at the temple based on everything Rishon had said about him. It seemed that was the direction the people were heading. I began to follow them. Much slower than the rest, allowing myself to get swept along with the crowd. No one noticed me and I did not care. I just wanted to get near enough to this man to have him heal me and all would be well.
When I reached the temple I saw him standing in the courtyard teaching. I made my way through the crowd, trying to get near the front. I was getting closer. I could hear his teaching. He was teaching about the commandments Yahweh had given to Moses on the mount. He was telling us the greatest commandments was to love Yahweh. I was embarrassed, afraid that he could see into my heart and know that I had not been loving Yahweh. He then taught that after loving Yahweh we were to love our neighbors, friends and enemies. This was causing a stir in the crowd. People began shouting. I heard a man cry out; to my surprise it was Rishon.
“Yeshua! Yeshua! How can this be so?”
“It is the word of my Father. I know His heart and He knows mine. That is where I get my authority to speak to you.”
I could see that some people in the crowd believed but many did not. Some shouted out that he was blasphemous. Yeshua did not acknowledge these shouts. I reached toward a man that was following him. I wanted to ask if I could go to Yeshua. But when I touched his shoulder and tried to speak a moan of anguish was all that came out. I collapsed into a heap in the dust in the center of the crowd that was fast becoming a mob.
I lifted my head and when I looked up I saw Yeshua coming toward me. Then I heard him speak to me, although I do not remember his lips moving. To this day, I do not know if the rest of the crowd heard what he said to me.
“I know your anguish my child. Your faith will heal you.”
I tried to speak, but realized I could not. I felt as if a horrible battle was going on inside of me. I wanted to let go of the darkness yet the darkness was so comfortable. It was what I had grown used to. I wanted to give it up and keep it all at the same time. I cried out. I screamed and I wailed. The people of the crowd who were around me cleared away and left me alone. Yeshua did not clear away. Instead, he came closer to me. I looked up into his face and into his eyes. He was handsome but not in the same way as my Elias had been handsome. His beard was nearly black and unkept and he had the look of a person who was weary with travel. His skin was olive and slight layer of dust. I looked into his eyes, which were the deepest shade of brown I’d ever seen, even deeper than Devora’s. In those eyes was love and compassion. There was no fear. I had grown used to seeing fear in people’s eyes when they looked at me. In that moment before he healed me, I loved Yeshua. It was not the love of a wife to a husband. It was the love of a sister to a brother, of a daughter to a father.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Chapter Five - Part One (18,875 words)
I spent a year in misery. A year without speaking, only wailing and
screaming with agony. My father gave up on me. He had tried to bring
priests to me to see if they could cast out the demons but as there were
no demons they were unsuccessful. I would lie on my blanket and stare
at the wall for hours. I do not know where my mind was in those days
but I do know it was not there with me.
It was while I was in this state that I heard about Yeshua and his miracles. My father lived under the incorrect assumption that I was unaware of what was going on around me. I was very aware, I just chose not to acknowledge what was going on around me. I discovered that my father spoke freely around me now because of this belief. I learned many things this way and never let on that I knew what was going on. One night, my father had guests. He had prepared a feast for them as they were regular customers of his. I knew their names, Rishon and Seff. They have finished their meal and were lounging drinking wine and babbling the way men do when the topic turned to Yeshua, but they did not know his name.
“I have heard great tales lately,” Rishon began.
“Ah! Don’t start with your children’s tales! We are men! We have men’s tales to tell!” Seff bellowed back. Seff was already drunk on wine.
“What are these tales?” my father asked Rishon.
“They are tales of miracles!”
“Rishon! You speak nonsense!” Seff shouted. He seemed quite certain to not allow Rishon to tell his story.
“Oh be quiet, Seff! You are drunk!” Rishon scolded him, “I will tell you the tale Dov but I ask of you to keep an open mind.”
I had rolled over to face into the room so that I could see what was happening as well as hear. I saw my father nod in agreement and with that certainty, Rishon began his story.
“When I first heard this it was just something being whispered between women but as time when on, more and more people came to believe it. I believe it was because more people were seeing the truth for themselves.”
“They’re all full of shit!” Seff yelled.
My father and Rishon both hushed him. I could see that my father was interested in hearing what Rishon had to say and for the first time since the death of my family and Akiva, I did too. At last Seff settled down and seemed to go to sleep in the corner. Rishon was able to continue his tale.
“The whisperings were about a man from Nazareth. It seems that he has the ability to heal the sick. People are saying that he is going through all of Galilee preaching in the synagogues and healing the sick. Some people are even saying that he is the Messiah.”
It was while I was in this state that I heard about Yeshua and his miracles. My father lived under the incorrect assumption that I was unaware of what was going on around me. I was very aware, I just chose not to acknowledge what was going on around me. I discovered that my father spoke freely around me now because of this belief. I learned many things this way and never let on that I knew what was going on. One night, my father had guests. He had prepared a feast for them as they were regular customers of his. I knew their names, Rishon and Seff. They have finished their meal and were lounging drinking wine and babbling the way men do when the topic turned to Yeshua, but they did not know his name.
“I have heard great tales lately,” Rishon began.
“Ah! Don’t start with your children’s tales! We are men! We have men’s tales to tell!” Seff bellowed back. Seff was already drunk on wine.
“What are these tales?” my father asked Rishon.
“They are tales of miracles!”
“Rishon! You speak nonsense!” Seff shouted. He seemed quite certain to not allow Rishon to tell his story.
“Oh be quiet, Seff! You are drunk!” Rishon scolded him, “I will tell you the tale Dov but I ask of you to keep an open mind.”
I had rolled over to face into the room so that I could see what was happening as well as hear. I saw my father nod in agreement and with that certainty, Rishon began his story.
“When I first heard this it was just something being whispered between women but as time when on, more and more people came to believe it. I believe it was because more people were seeing the truth for themselves.”
“They’re all full of shit!” Seff yelled.
My father and Rishon both hushed him. I could see that my father was interested in hearing what Rishon had to say and for the first time since the death of my family and Akiva, I did too. At last Seff settled down and seemed to go to sleep in the corner. Rishon was able to continue his tale.
“The whisperings were about a man from Nazareth. It seems that he has the ability to heal the sick. People are saying that he is going through all of Galilee preaching in the synagogues and healing the sick. Some people are even saying that he is the Messiah.”
Tuesday, November 9, 2004
Chapter Four - Part Three (18,015 words)
I must confess our visit with my father was much more pleasant than I
had expected. He was kind to us and hospitable. He cooed over Jeremiah
and loved to show him off to the people in the village. Jeremiah loved
all the attention he was getting and was doing a fine job and playing
to the crowds. The time for us to leave came quickly. I was relieved
to be returning to our home but I was also a little sad. I felt for the
first time that I had a father who truly loved and cared for me. I
felt as if I had finally forgiven him for the way he treated me as a
child and young woman. I still could not forgive him for all he had
done to Akiva. I do not know how he would have welcomed Akiva and I
would never have a chance to find out. It was hard to say if my father
was remorseful of the way he had treated us both before. If he was,
never apologized or made it know. But at least in our visit, he was
kind and warm. I had actually begun to think that he had changed. What
a fool I would turn out to be.
It turned out that we left Magdala later than planned. We had planned to leave soon after sunrise but did not truly leave until midday. This meant we would have to stop and camp along the way, as it was not safe for us to travel after sunset. Fortunately, Elias had brought along tents and supplies in case of the need for setting up camp. I felt uneasy about camping that night. Elias continually reassured me that he had set up camp at night many times and he had always been safe. He also pointed out that we had quite a few servants with us and I had no need to worry. This did not settle my fears. Something inside of my body told me it would be better for us to press on in the dark. Elias would have none of that and we set up our camp.
I insisted that Elias have one of the servants stay up through the night to stand guard. He thought I was overreacting. I would not relent and finally he agreed. The servants were going to take turns staying awake throughout the night. This made me feel somewhat better but still did not ease my fears entirely. I retreated into our tent as soon as the sun touched the horizon. I did not even wait for it to fall fully dark. I climbed inside and held Jeremiah to my breast. He fell asleep instantly but I lie awake listening to the sounds from outside the tent. Long after the sunset, when Elias crawled in beside me I was still awake and had not slept a wink. Elias took Jeremiah from me so that I might rest easier. Elias stroked my hair as we lay in the dark, desperately trying to calm my fears; but they would not be calmed.
I drifted off to sleep at some point not long after Elias came to my side. It was still dark when I awoke with horrible pains in my belly. I was in agony and knew I had to get out of the tent for fear that I would wake Elias. I climbed out of the tent and told Nadar, the servant on watch, where I was going. I scrambled into the bushes to relieve my pains. It was then, while I was huddled in the bushes that evil swept through our camp. I did not know what was happening but would hear the tale later from the sole servant to survive the onslaught.
Bandits from Magdala that had heard of our visit to my father had kept a close eye on us when left to return to Tabgha. My father, the fool that is, often boasted in town of the wealth of his son-in-law. This sparked the interest of these bandits who sought to take some of that wealth. They had followed our party the whole way from Magdala to our camp; always keeping a safe distance behind so that we would not suspect we were being followed. They waited for us to set up camp and for night to fall. Their plan was not to wait for me to leave the tents, it just so happened that way. This was all in Yahweh’s plan.
The bandits crept up to camp and ambushed Nadar. He put up a brilliant fight but in the end the four bandits were too much for him and they killed him. The bandits proceeded to each tent, ransacking what was inside and slaughtering the occupants. The commotion awoke Elias who called out to me. Jeremiah was screaming. Elias tried to hush him but saw that it was no use. He handed the child off to Mala, one of the servants we had brought, and told her to run back to Magdala with the child and that my father would give her shelter and protection. Elias went to look for me but met the bandits first.
“This is the man!” they cried out when they laid eyes upon Elias. They rushed to him and seized him. They started beating him but did not kill him right away. One of the bandits caught Mala and Jeremiah and drug her and the babe back to the camp. Mala, my husband and my son were the only three left alive. One took Mala away to have their way with her, leaving the other three with Elias and Jeremiah. The one who seemed to be leading the raid spoke, “Let us kill the heir.”
There, before Elias’s own eyes they slaughtered our son. Jeremiah cried out in anguish as they slit his throat. Elias called out to Yahweh.
“Yahweh will not save you now. Your riches will be ours and you will go to Sheol and live in the memory of how you were not man enough to save your family.”
The head bandit walked to Elias and instead of sparing him the pain and killing him quickly, he thrust his knife into Elias’s belly and turned it slowly. It was my husband’s cry that I heard from the bushes. They gathered up the remainder of the belongings and left Elias there to die on the road. I saw the bandits as they ran away and once I was sure they were out of sight I ran to my husband’s side. He was still alive, although barely.
“My love, my love. Please do not leave me!” I cried out through my sobs.
Elias had little strength but he was able to find some to speak to me, “It is time for me to join Yahweh.”
“Jeremiah! Where is our son?”
Tears filled Elias’s eyes as he managed to point to a bloody pile of clothes a few feet from him. Understanding hit me like icy water and I began to wail. The men I had loved were taken from me right there in the blink of an eye. All that was my world my life was gone. To this day the last words of my husband haunt my soul: “Mary, Yahweh has much planned for you. Go on, be strong. You will always have my love; now Yahweh is calling me home.”
My husband died in my lap. After he breathed his last I collected my son in my arms and lay down between their bloodied bodies and wailed. I called out to Yahweh and begged Him to take me too. When He refused I cursed Him.
It turned out that we left Magdala later than planned. We had planned to leave soon after sunrise but did not truly leave until midday. This meant we would have to stop and camp along the way, as it was not safe for us to travel after sunset. Fortunately, Elias had brought along tents and supplies in case of the need for setting up camp. I felt uneasy about camping that night. Elias continually reassured me that he had set up camp at night many times and he had always been safe. He also pointed out that we had quite a few servants with us and I had no need to worry. This did not settle my fears. Something inside of my body told me it would be better for us to press on in the dark. Elias would have none of that and we set up our camp.
I insisted that Elias have one of the servants stay up through the night to stand guard. He thought I was overreacting. I would not relent and finally he agreed. The servants were going to take turns staying awake throughout the night. This made me feel somewhat better but still did not ease my fears entirely. I retreated into our tent as soon as the sun touched the horizon. I did not even wait for it to fall fully dark. I climbed inside and held Jeremiah to my breast. He fell asleep instantly but I lie awake listening to the sounds from outside the tent. Long after the sunset, when Elias crawled in beside me I was still awake and had not slept a wink. Elias took Jeremiah from me so that I might rest easier. Elias stroked my hair as we lay in the dark, desperately trying to calm my fears; but they would not be calmed.
I drifted off to sleep at some point not long after Elias came to my side. It was still dark when I awoke with horrible pains in my belly. I was in agony and knew I had to get out of the tent for fear that I would wake Elias. I climbed out of the tent and told Nadar, the servant on watch, where I was going. I scrambled into the bushes to relieve my pains. It was then, while I was huddled in the bushes that evil swept through our camp. I did not know what was happening but would hear the tale later from the sole servant to survive the onslaught.
Bandits from Magdala that had heard of our visit to my father had kept a close eye on us when left to return to Tabgha. My father, the fool that is, often boasted in town of the wealth of his son-in-law. This sparked the interest of these bandits who sought to take some of that wealth. They had followed our party the whole way from Magdala to our camp; always keeping a safe distance behind so that we would not suspect we were being followed. They waited for us to set up camp and for night to fall. Their plan was not to wait for me to leave the tents, it just so happened that way. This was all in Yahweh’s plan.
The bandits crept up to camp and ambushed Nadar. He put up a brilliant fight but in the end the four bandits were too much for him and they killed him. The bandits proceeded to each tent, ransacking what was inside and slaughtering the occupants. The commotion awoke Elias who called out to me. Jeremiah was screaming. Elias tried to hush him but saw that it was no use. He handed the child off to Mala, one of the servants we had brought, and told her to run back to Magdala with the child and that my father would give her shelter and protection. Elias went to look for me but met the bandits first.
“This is the man!” they cried out when they laid eyes upon Elias. They rushed to him and seized him. They started beating him but did not kill him right away. One of the bandits caught Mala and Jeremiah and drug her and the babe back to the camp. Mala, my husband and my son were the only three left alive. One took Mala away to have their way with her, leaving the other three with Elias and Jeremiah. The one who seemed to be leading the raid spoke, “Let us kill the heir.”
There, before Elias’s own eyes they slaughtered our son. Jeremiah cried out in anguish as they slit his throat. Elias called out to Yahweh.
“Yahweh will not save you now. Your riches will be ours and you will go to Sheol and live in the memory of how you were not man enough to save your family.”
The head bandit walked to Elias and instead of sparing him the pain and killing him quickly, he thrust his knife into Elias’s belly and turned it slowly. It was my husband’s cry that I heard from the bushes. They gathered up the remainder of the belongings and left Elias there to die on the road. I saw the bandits as they ran away and once I was sure they were out of sight I ran to my husband’s side. He was still alive, although barely.
“My love, my love. Please do not leave me!” I cried out through my sobs.
Elias had little strength but he was able to find some to speak to me, “It is time for me to join Yahweh.”
“Jeremiah! Where is our son?”
Tears filled Elias’s eyes as he managed to point to a bloody pile of clothes a few feet from him. Understanding hit me like icy water and I began to wail. The men I had loved were taken from me right there in the blink of an eye. All that was my world my life was gone. To this day the last words of my husband haunt my soul: “Mary, Yahweh has much planned for you. Go on, be strong. You will always have my love; now Yahweh is calling me home.”
My husband died in my lap. After he breathed his last I collected my son in my arms and lay down between their bloodied bodies and wailed. I called out to Yahweh and begged Him to take me too. When He refused I cursed Him.
Monday, November 8, 2004
Chapter Four - Part Two (15,509 words)
Jeremiah proved to be a good natured baby. He was always content to be
swaddled in the sling against my chest. He never fussed when he was
passed around the women in Elias’s household. He had the same emerald
eyes as Elias and they managed to captivate all who took one look at
him. His hair was a blend between the fire of my own and the sand of my
husbands. It was thin and there were only a few small wisps but it was
quite clear the color. There was no denying that he was our child.
Devora was unable to stay long after Jeremiah’s birth but promised she would return, bringing Mordecai with her. We had spent hours together after Jeremiah’s birth dreaming of the way our sons would play together and become best friends as she and I had been in our childhood and still were in our adulthood. It was pleasant to think about the future of my son with such a dear friend.
Elias’s brother, Jonah, loved to tell the child stories of all kinds. Jonah had no wife and no heir so he lived through Elias’s love for me and treated our son as his own. Akiva spoiled Jeremiah just as any grandmother should. She toted him about the house and into the village showing him off to all who would look and listen. I was pleased to see the way she responded to him. Although, I should have expected no less from her. Even my father sent a sack of grain as a gift to his grandson.
It was safe to say that our little Jeremiah was one of the most loved children in all Tabgha. No child had so many aunties and uncles or had so many kisses peppered on their cheeks and heads. He was the greatest gift Yahweh could have ever given me and I thanked Yahweh daily for providing me with such a wonderful son.
I was constantly in utter amazement of my son. I loved just watching his eyes exam the world. They were so bright and took in everything around him. The first year of his life was a delight as I rediscovered the nuances of the world right along with him. I do believe I learned as much from him in that first year as he learned from me. Elias proved to be a wonderful father. He would carry the babe to the fields with him and allow him to reach out and feel the softness of the ewe’s wool. I remember well the way he squealed with delight when a lamb licked his cheek. It seemed to me he would come to love animals as his father did.
Our home had come to be filled with much joy and there was always laughter ringing out from the chambers. It amazed me the way a child could change people. I saw the harshest man become as sweet as a lamb in Jeremiah’s presence. I saw a bitter old woman kiss his head and breathe in his sweet smell. The change I saw in Akiva was the most dramatic and it delighted me the most. It seemed as if Jeremiah’s birth had added years to her life. She was moving about with much more ease than she did before and seemed to be constantly smiling. I think it was safe to say that the only person Jeremiah loved more than Akiva was myself. This was perhaps the same for Akiva.
Jeremiah brought with him so much joy that my father sent word that he would welcome us into his home and that he had much desire to see his grandson. I was shocked. I accused his servant of lying at first. Elias still did not understand my attitude toward my father. I had yet to tell him the truth. When I had screamed at the servant for lying Elias pulled me aside.
“This servant was once a trusted servant of mine. You do not know the severity of your accusation. What is causing you to behave like this? Why do you not believe him?” Elias spoke sternly to me and I could see that I had wronged him.
“This does not sound like my father,” was all I could reply and when I did I could not look Elias in the eyes.
“Does not sound like your father? Whatever do you mean? Did you father not send us grain at his birth and send on your dowry after we were wed? Why do you say this does not sound like your father?”
“My lord, my father is not a kind man. He is not a good man. This is hardly something he would propose.”
I was startled when Elias laughed out load, “This is nonsense! Your father showed me nothing but kindness when I did business with him and I sought your hand. He has shown nothing by kindness to us since the birth of our son. It seems to me that your father is a kind man.”
“You do not know my father. You were not his daughter or his servant. If you were, you would understand that he is not a kind man. I have not told you everything there is to tell about my father, Elias. I have spared you the truth, as I thought no good could come from the truth. I see now, I must tell you.”
I proceeded to recall for Elias every detail of my life before he came along. I told him the dark truth about who my father was and the way he treated Akiva and me and how he abused us. It brought many tears and Elias did not know how to respond. He had been fooled by my father and it angered him. When I had finished confessing all my father’s evils Elias reached out to me and held me to his chest. He stroked my hair but said nothing; he knew that there were no words he could offer. I kept going over and over in my mind why on earth my father would want us to come visit. I told Elias my fears. I feared my father would try to harm Jeremiah or take him away to claim him as his son. Elias vowed this would not happen, nothing could take his son away. In the end Elias convinced me that my father meant no ill will and we began preparing to go to Magdala to visit him. I sent word with the servant we would be coming and also sent a message with him to Devora. I was dreading the journey.
Devora was unable to stay long after Jeremiah’s birth but promised she would return, bringing Mordecai with her. We had spent hours together after Jeremiah’s birth dreaming of the way our sons would play together and become best friends as she and I had been in our childhood and still were in our adulthood. It was pleasant to think about the future of my son with such a dear friend.
Elias’s brother, Jonah, loved to tell the child stories of all kinds. Jonah had no wife and no heir so he lived through Elias’s love for me and treated our son as his own. Akiva spoiled Jeremiah just as any grandmother should. She toted him about the house and into the village showing him off to all who would look and listen. I was pleased to see the way she responded to him. Although, I should have expected no less from her. Even my father sent a sack of grain as a gift to his grandson.
It was safe to say that our little Jeremiah was one of the most loved children in all Tabgha. No child had so many aunties and uncles or had so many kisses peppered on their cheeks and heads. He was the greatest gift Yahweh could have ever given me and I thanked Yahweh daily for providing me with such a wonderful son.
I was constantly in utter amazement of my son. I loved just watching his eyes exam the world. They were so bright and took in everything around him. The first year of his life was a delight as I rediscovered the nuances of the world right along with him. I do believe I learned as much from him in that first year as he learned from me. Elias proved to be a wonderful father. He would carry the babe to the fields with him and allow him to reach out and feel the softness of the ewe’s wool. I remember well the way he squealed with delight when a lamb licked his cheek. It seemed to me he would come to love animals as his father did.
Our home had come to be filled with much joy and there was always laughter ringing out from the chambers. It amazed me the way a child could change people. I saw the harshest man become as sweet as a lamb in Jeremiah’s presence. I saw a bitter old woman kiss his head and breathe in his sweet smell. The change I saw in Akiva was the most dramatic and it delighted me the most. It seemed as if Jeremiah’s birth had added years to her life. She was moving about with much more ease than she did before and seemed to be constantly smiling. I think it was safe to say that the only person Jeremiah loved more than Akiva was myself. This was perhaps the same for Akiva.
Jeremiah brought with him so much joy that my father sent word that he would welcome us into his home and that he had much desire to see his grandson. I was shocked. I accused his servant of lying at first. Elias still did not understand my attitude toward my father. I had yet to tell him the truth. When I had screamed at the servant for lying Elias pulled me aside.
“This servant was once a trusted servant of mine. You do not know the severity of your accusation. What is causing you to behave like this? Why do you not believe him?” Elias spoke sternly to me and I could see that I had wronged him.
“This does not sound like my father,” was all I could reply and when I did I could not look Elias in the eyes.
“Does not sound like your father? Whatever do you mean? Did you father not send us grain at his birth and send on your dowry after we were wed? Why do you say this does not sound like your father?”
“My lord, my father is not a kind man. He is not a good man. This is hardly something he would propose.”
I was startled when Elias laughed out load, “This is nonsense! Your father showed me nothing but kindness when I did business with him and I sought your hand. He has shown nothing by kindness to us since the birth of our son. It seems to me that your father is a kind man.”
“You do not know my father. You were not his daughter or his servant. If you were, you would understand that he is not a kind man. I have not told you everything there is to tell about my father, Elias. I have spared you the truth, as I thought no good could come from the truth. I see now, I must tell you.”
I proceeded to recall for Elias every detail of my life before he came along. I told him the dark truth about who my father was and the way he treated Akiva and me and how he abused us. It brought many tears and Elias did not know how to respond. He had been fooled by my father and it angered him. When I had finished confessing all my father’s evils Elias reached out to me and held me to his chest. He stroked my hair but said nothing; he knew that there were no words he could offer. I kept going over and over in my mind why on earth my father would want us to come visit. I told Elias my fears. I feared my father would try to harm Jeremiah or take him away to claim him as his son. Elias vowed this would not happen, nothing could take his son away. In the end Elias convinced me that my father meant no ill will and we began preparing to go to Magdala to visit him. I sent word with the servant we would be coming and also sent a message with him to Devora. I was dreading the journey.
Sunday, November 7, 2004
Chapter Four - Part One (13,403 words)
My pregnancy was a very happy time of my life. Elias doted on my every
movement; Akiva would not let me help with the bread and Devora traveled
from Magdala to be with me. All the while I watched as my belly
swelled from the child that grew within it. Every morning I would run
my hands over my swollen belly, feeling the way my body was changing.
At night, when Elias would lie beside me he would run his hands over the
curve of my abdomen, attempting to feel the child beneath. We were
both certain the child I carried in my womb was a boy. I was pleased at
the thought of providing an heir for Elias. He was equally as pleased
with the notion; I could see the delight in his eyes each time he looked
at me.
The baby came on a Shabbat two weeks before the Passover. I made Akiva allow me to help with the bread in preparation for Shabbat. We were working the dough when I began having pain in my back. I did not realize that I was beginning my labor pains at the time. Akiva kept insisting I sit and rest my body but I refused. I was going to help her with the bread as I said I would. I could be very hard headed from time to time and no one knew this as well as Akiva. The pains became stronger and my womb released its pre-birth issue. This was when I knew my labor had begun. Akiva immediately led me into the bedchamber and sent one of the servants to Elias and another to the village for the midwife. In that moment I was very thankful for Akiva’s presence. She could always soothe me when others could not. It was not long after she had sent the servants when Elias arrived. He sat with me only a few moments and it became quite clear that he was not able to handle seeing his wife in such suffering. Akiva sent him out of the bedchamber and assisted to me herself. Every so often he would send a servant in to check on my status but he never entered himself. I did not blame him for this as men often have difficulty with such things. Devora arrived not long after Elias and she and Akiva were my comforters. The midwife arrived just before sunset. She had gathered her things and traveled as quickly as she could. She set about to her work and told Akiva and Devora to keep my comforted.
The baby came on a Shabbat two weeks before the Passover. I made Akiva allow me to help with the bread in preparation for Shabbat. We were working the dough when I began having pain in my back. I did not realize that I was beginning my labor pains at the time. Akiva kept insisting I sit and rest my body but I refused. I was going to help her with the bread as I said I would. I could be very hard headed from time to time and no one knew this as well as Akiva. The pains became stronger and my womb released its pre-birth issue. This was when I knew my labor had begun. Akiva immediately led me into the bedchamber and sent one of the servants to Elias and another to the village for the midwife. In that moment I was very thankful for Akiva’s presence. She could always soothe me when others could not. It was not long after she had sent the servants when Elias arrived. He sat with me only a few moments and it became quite clear that he was not able to handle seeing his wife in such suffering. Akiva sent him out of the bedchamber and assisted to me herself. Every so often he would send a servant in to check on my status but he never entered himself. I did not blame him for this as men often have difficulty with such things. Devora arrived not long after Elias and she and Akiva were my comforters. The midwife arrived just before sunset. She had gathered her things and traveled as quickly as she could. She set about to her work and told Akiva and Devora to keep my comforted.
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