Chapter Five - Part Two (21,028 words)

Rishon was right. Yeshua did come to Magdala. I had overheard all of the conversations between my father and Rishon regarding his coming and I resolved to seek the man out. I no longer wanted to be consumed by the darkness that had taken over my life the last two years. I wanted to be free. I wanted to once again live in the light. I had even begun speaking to Yahweh again. I was slowly forgiving Him for taking away all who loved me. I still could not bring myself out of the darkness. Something inside of me told me that this man would be able to help.

I remember the morning he came well. I could not forget it. My life would forever change on that day. Rishon had burst into my father’s hut shouting about the miracle man, saying that he was coming down the road into Magdala. My father went with Rishon leaving me alone in the hut. I was accustomed to this. I forced myself to rise. I was going to go see this miracle man they were talking about.

My body protested when I stood. My legs were not used to holding my weight. The room spun when I got to my feet. I held my hand to the wall, trying to steady myself. I felt almost as if I was under a spell. I made it to the door and when I stepped outside the sun was so bright it blinded me. I had not seen the sun in weeks. I had to wait while my eyes adjusted to the light. Once they did, I scanned the horizon, looking for where this miracle man might be. I should have that he would be at the temple based on everything Rishon had said about him. It seemed that was the direction the people were heading. I began to follow them. Much slower than the rest, allowing myself to get swept along with the crowd. No one noticed me and I did not care. I just wanted to get near enough to this man to have him heal me and all would be well.

When I reached the temple I saw him standing in the courtyard teaching. I made my way through the crowd, trying to get near the front. I was getting closer. I could hear his teaching. He was teaching about the commandments Yahweh had given to Moses on the mount. He was telling us the greatest commandments was to love Yahweh. I was embarrassed, afraid that he could see into my heart and know that I had not been loving Yahweh. He then taught that after loving Yahweh we were to love our neighbors, friends and enemies. This was causing a stir in the crowd. People began shouting. I heard a man cry out; to my surprise it was Rishon.

“Yeshua! Yeshua! How can this be so?”

“It is the word of my Father. I know His heart and He knows mine. That is where I get my authority to speak to you.”

I could see that some people in the crowd believed but many did not. Some shouted out that he was blasphemous. Yeshua did not acknowledge these shouts. I reached toward a man that was following him. I wanted to ask if I could go to Yeshua. But when I touched his shoulder and tried to speak a moan of anguish was all that came out. I collapsed into a heap in the dust in the center of the crowd that was fast becoming a mob.

I lifted my head and when I looked up I saw Yeshua coming toward me. Then I heard him speak to me, although I do not remember his lips moving. To this day, I do not know if the rest of the crowd heard what he said to me.

“I know your anguish my child. Your faith will heal you.”

I tried to speak, but realized I could not. I felt as if a horrible battle was going on inside of me. I wanted to let go of the darkness yet the darkness was so comfortable. It was what I had grown used to. I wanted to give it up and keep it all at the same time. I cried out. I screamed and I wailed. The people of the crowd who were around me cleared away and left me alone. Yeshua did not clear away. Instead, he came closer to me. I looked up into his face and into his eyes. He was handsome but not in the same way as my Elias had been handsome. His beard was nearly black and unkept and he had the look of a person who was weary with travel. His skin was olive and slight layer of dust. I looked into his eyes, which were the deepest shade of brown I’d ever seen, even deeper than Devora’s. In those eyes was love and compassion. There was no fear. I had grown used to seeing fear in people’s eyes when they looked at me. In that moment before he healed me, I loved Yeshua. It was not the love of a wife to a husband. It was the love of a sister to a brother, of a daughter to a father.